textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
