I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he puts the penis in happiness.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize