I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
