Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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