onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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