I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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