If that was your dad, he is hot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
