my shit smells like andre
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
