Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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