Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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