i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
