I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
