I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
