Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
