U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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