So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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