they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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