Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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