I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
