I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize