Apparently you make a good broom.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
