Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
