He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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