The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
