first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
