Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you had me at cake vodka
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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