Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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