Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Two words: blizzard sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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