They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
