Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
