Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
