Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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