He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
