i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
