I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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