I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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