i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
