She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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