"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need help removing her.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
