i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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