Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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