Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if only i could text you this smell
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
