God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
