I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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