yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
