I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
