i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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