how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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