Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
