I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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