he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
