It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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