I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
