pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
