Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
