I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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