I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
