Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the raccoons are back...
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