he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
