I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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