I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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