Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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