do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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