Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am naked and annoyed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
