I CAN MOONWALK!
just tell him i said nine months
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
