she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think your dad took our porno
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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