omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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