Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
