Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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