Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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