Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
